The journey of life is fraught with landmines - IEDs that are well hidden and create massive amounts of damage. We don’t see them coming and, if we don’t respond wisely, they can create in us some intense PTSD issues. I have noticed that the overwhelming majority of these explosions involve people; betrayal, rejection, attacks, and disappointments with people create damage in us that require diagnosis, treatment, and recovery time.
Question: Is it wise to place blame where it belongs or to maintain personal responsibility for my actions and health?
Answer: Yes!
Consider Blame:
If you live in the blame space forever, you will forever be a victim, held captive by your offender and your pain.
If you never place appropriate blame, you will forever be handicapped by your offender and your pain, for you will be unable to forgive and forgiveness is essential to future freedom.
Consider Personal Responsibility:
If you accept no personal responsibility in the pain, or for resolving conflict properly, or for moving forward with wisdom and healing, you will forever be held captive by your offender and your pain.
If you assign no blame to anyone but yourself, when it is appropriate and accurate to do so, you will possess quiet unforgiveness that can turn to bitterness, anger or depression.
The key? Gain clarity, ascribe blame where it appropriately lies, take personal responsibility for the blame ascribed to yourself and for your progress in recovery and restoration.
Here is how that can look:
Perform an autopsy on the entire landmine experience. What caused it? Where was the other person(s) at fault? Where was I at fault? What uncontrolled elements contributed to the storm? Etc.
List, specifically, the things stolen from you or owed to you: respect, love, safety, reputation, etc.
Blame the person who took from you and then, by a decision of your will, forgive their debt.
Take the entire responsibility for your healing and progress moving forward. Employ partnerships where helpful for your journey forward.
Take the responsibility to make every effort to reconcile the relationship or bring it to a healthy closure, so it is actually resolved.
Don’t fall into the blame trap and refuse to take responsibility for things you are not, in fact, responsible for.